day 6

Hey there, back at day 6 again. Relapsing seems to be a large part of my recovery this year, and as much as I wish that weren’t the case, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t learned a lot.

Now that we’re getting closer to the end of the year, I’ve been reflecting a lot on this past year. It’s been a rough one… I was engaged, that fell apart which also means my family broke apart. Earlier this year, I had two amazing stepsons, and I miss them so much.. but it’s for the best.. I had a miscarriage this year, which is something I am still processing. I had not one, but two major moves this year. I started the year in my own apartment in Huntsville, I’m ending the year sleeping on my dad’s couch in Toronto. I was hospitalized for suicidal ideations. I no longer own a vehicle. Edith no longer lives with me. Like I said, it’s been a hell of a year. I’m pretty happy for it to be ending honesty.

Through all of that, I haven’t given up. Despite wanting to from time to time. Yes I have relapsed, but I find my way back to recovery. I have grown a lot in the last year, and I’m proud of that. I have been building a support system and practicing reaching out.

Am I proud of everything I’ve done this year? Of course not. With relapses come mistakes. Those mistakes often have consequences, and to be quite honest, those consequences suck. But I’m learning to leave the past where it belongs, behind me. I’m not a perfect person, and I’ll never claim to be one. I am however trying to be better than I once was, and that’s enough for me.

Thanks so much for reading! Stay tuned for more.